3/17/11
I can feel pride coming off me in waves. I can feel the anger in me hiding below the surface. Why do I never learn? Why am I so ridiculously stubborn? I keep saying, “Forgive me, Lord” but it isn’t sincere. Part of me doesn’t expect forgiveness or freedom from sin. There is no sincere repentance in me, because I don’t turn from my sin. I continue to live my way.
I continue to drink, self-gratify, watch movies, and read books to comfort my flesh. I continue to hate myself. I continue to be angry with You for my circumstances, blaming You instead of taking accountability for my actions. I continue to punish myself and live in condemnation. I continue to push You away and reject Your love because I am unworthy.
Deal with that lie, Lord! Deal with me on that lie that I am unworthy. You value me enough to wash me in Your Son’s precious blood! Your Son’s blood makes me worthy! The high price of my redemption makes me valuable! Help me to make that head knowledge a statement of faith and to embrace it in my heart Lord!
Help me, Lord Jesus, to put my hope in You instead of relying on myself. Help me to stop being discouraged with my continuous sin, Lord! Help me to submit and walk by faith.
I keep believing lies, Lord! I keep getting discouraged with myself and giving up on me, accepting my sin, and running from You in shame. Help me to believe the truth Lord! I don’t even know what the truth is to overcome my sin, that’s how entrenched the lie is in me, God! Please, Lord, give me the grace to receive the truth by faith so I can walk in freedom!
Please Father! Please help me to truly walk in freedom and deny my flesh. Help me to crucify my flesh because it is so strong it dominates me daily! I desperately need You, God!
I submit to You, God! I acknowledge my sins, my mistakes, my weaknesses, and my failures. I acknowledge I can’t stop living to my flesh! I acknowledge I don’t know how to stop. I acknowledge my desperate need for You and my total discouragement with myself. I acknowledge I feel so condemned and unworthy that I run from Your love. I feel so discouraged I run from Your reign over me.
I kneel at the cross tonight, Lord, and I cry out to You. “HELP ME LORD JESUS!” Rid me of the lies, Lord! You have chased me down in my rebellion and rid me of my good things (family, friends, church, car) so I would depend only on You. Instead I have tried to find fulfillment in fleshly comforts. There is no comfort, no peace, no fulfillment to be found in my flesh. Still I drink from empty cisterns. Still I defy You, rebel, and worship those idols!
Forgive me, Father! Forgive me for rebelling, defying You to Your face and provoking You. Forgive me for loving those idols and not loving You! Forgive me for living like a pagan when I know better. Forgive my adultery, Lord! Forgive me for not being faithful to You, God! Forgive me for continuing to fight You, Abba!
I continue to wrestle You, even when You have touched my hip (just like Jacob). Forgive me for running from You over and over again! I give up, Lord! I’m sick of the same sins: Rebellion, self-hatred, fear, condemnation, idolatry, pride… I’m sick of fighting the same giants, Lord! I desperately need You to fight my giants, Daddy! They have defeated me time and again.
My hope rests in You, Lord Jesus! Fight for me, Father! I give up! I don’t want to run from You anymore. I don’t want to be beaten down and destroyed by my giants anymore! I don’t want to die in the wilderness, defeated by pharaoh!
I submit to You, Father. I am powerless over my sins! Help me, Father! Don’t let me be devoured, Lord! I am dry, weary, poor, and naked. I am hopeless and helpless, Lord! Help me Father! Overcome the self-hatred, fear, and hopelessness devouring me, God!
I need You, God! I need You!
Beloved, as Christ is the King of glory, Lord of all creation, and my precious Son whom I adore, I tell you the truth:
Hear Me, Beloved. Hear Me! I AM the King of glory! I AM the Lion! I AM clothed in righteousness. I AM the Holy One, God Almighty!
You are not beyond My help. You are not lost. You are not too far gone. I am not disappointed in you, Amy. I know you’re tired of wrestling your demons. You gave up on yourself awhile back. I have led you here because I absolutely refuse to give up on you, Amy. I refuse to give up on you. You are My precious one. You are My daughter. You don’t believe you can defeat these giants, so you have submitted to them.
Now it is my turn, Beloved. Now it’s time to watch Me go before you, destroying your enemies. Now’ it’s time to submit to Me. Now it’s time to learn to die to your flesh daily. It isn’t fun. It won’t feel good. But when you take up your cross daily and follow after Me, I will SO BLESS you in return. Do not be afraid, for I AM with you! I Am Immanuel! Now is the time.
I want you to take a step further. You have been acknowledging you are powerless over sin. Now after acknowledging it, SUBMIT!
1. Acknowledge your powerlessness
2. Acknowledge My power and strength
3. Submit to Me
4. Pick up your cross and follow Me
Don’t die in your sins! Don’t admit defeat! Don’t fear those giants! Follow Me! Get right! You overcome in Christ! You live in Christ! You were redeemed in Christ!
Of course you can’t overcome the enemy yourself! I never asked you to. You are a slave to what you obey! When you obey idols, they enslave you. So now obey Me! Be a slave to Christ that you may be free!
Choose to be a slave to Christ, you cannot have two masters!
You are powerless! Christ is powerful! SUBMIT, Beloved. Humble yourself so that He will exalt you.
I will never give up on you, Amy. Lay your sins at the cross. I flow through you only when you submit to Me.
Beloved, hear Me. I Am your King! I Am your God! I Am the Sovereign, Holy One above! I AM God Almighty!
No more will you give in to the enemy! No more will pharaoh enslave you! You are powerless in yourself. You are powerful in Christ!
Keep reading Romans. Read how the Israelites defeated their giants. Fear is contrary to faith. You must not fear. I AM with you. I fight for You, but you must stay in a position of humility.
Your hope is in Me. Your peace is in Me. Your strength is in Me. Your life is in Me. Your flesh died when you were baptized. Don’t resurrect your flesh in idolatry. You lift your idols and I will knock them down! There is none above Me. NONE. I AM King. Acknowledge my rightful place. Let me be your King. Worship Me only. There are no other gods before Me, Amy. I AM jealous for you.
Submit to Me, and only to Me. Submit to no other. Yield to no idol. Give no ground to any enemy. You are a child of light. Walk in My righteousness. Walk in Me. Believe in Me. Hope in Me. Trust in Me.
You have yielded to fleshly desires long enough. Your flesh has grown strong as a result. So it will hurt to crucify your flesh. But you must be merciless to your flesh. Live to the Spirit. Renew your mind. Focus on heavenly things. Worship Me. Submit to Me. Trust Me.
Amy, you have to quit running from Me. You run and I will pursue you. You ran from Agape when the pain from killing your flesh was too great. I chased you. You wrestled Me. You lost. You are finally giving up and giving in to Me instead of giving in to your lovers (like Gomer). Now I am demanding your faithfulness and love. I refuse to give up on you. You are mine. I am claiming what’s mine.
Yield to Me, Beloved. Let Me love you. Let Me in your heart. Let Me show you how to live righteously, blamelessly, in Christ. Let Me be your King. Let Me be your Groom. Let Me show you how to be faithful.
I love you,
-ABBA.