11/1/10
When I awoke tonight You told me to read Psalm 56 and Proverbs 3. What struck me when I read Proverbs was Your reminder about trusting You. (Proverbs 3:4-8) “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes: Fear (revere, respect) the Lord and turn away from evil, It will be healing to your body and refreshment to your bones.”
You told me to read Psalm 32, and reminded me of all Your benefits when I acknowledge and confess my sins and trust in You...You save me, deliver me, shelter me, and surround me with loving-kindness when I trust in You. You are my Hiding Place, Lord. When I continued to sin and run to lusts of the flesh, my stomach was eaten up with ulcers from the bitter taste of guilt and shame. I acknowledge my sin to You and confessed my transgressions. I truly repented and I desire to change Lord. As soon as I repented and prayed for healing my bleeding ulcer stopped hurting. I’m believing You will continue to heal me, Lord. I pray for the amazing grace to turn from my sin, resist temptation, and seek instead to have You fulfill my needs. I need intimacy and turned instead to the counterfeit of lust. I sought relief from loneliness and discontentment and turned to empty cisterns like weed, beer, movies, and books. I pray You will be my shelter and my Hiding Place amidst the storm.
I love You, Lord. I don’t love you with even an inkling of what You deserve to be loved, but I do love You, Lord. I pray You fill me with Your love, so I can love You even more. Give me the grace to run to You and away from sin. Help me to trust in You and not in empty cisterns like lusts of the flesh. I pray I continue to find my peace in You, God, and not in the world. Help me to draw near to You, Father, and to find contentment in You. ..
I humble myself and remember that I desperately need You, God. I need everything from You. I need everything from my next breath, to peace and hope and love. Thank You, Lord, for reminding me of exactly how much I need You...
Lord, by Your grace and love, and in the name of Your precious Son Jesus Christ, I surrender myself to You: I’m choosing to let go of the past and I’m surrendering it to You. I give You my wounds, fears, and rebellious spirit. Forgive me God, for rebelling against You; and I pray for the grace to continually submit to You in love and trust. Circumcise this rebellious heart of mine and never let it return, I pray.
I give You my shame and guilt and self-hatred... I give You my condemnation… and the guilt that still eats at me. I give You my condemnation from lusts of the flesh. I pray You give me the grace to turn from fleshly lusts and to seek to fulfill my need for intimacy in You, God. Lust doesn’t satisfy. Intimacy with You, God, fills me with Your love and acceptance and deeply satisfies. Help me never to forget that truth, Lord...Only You can fill my empty soul, remove loneliness, and give me the desires of my heart...
I surrender to You my guilt and condemnation and anger over leaving the rehab program...Forgive me for fleeing in fear and becoming the “prodigal child”. I choose, this morning, to freely humble myself and submit to You. I desperately need You, Father. I desperately need Your love, peace, hope, and grace.
I surrender to You my two deepest hearts’ desires, my future, and my destiny... I also desire to be a woman of God who serves and ministers to help others and glorify YOU. Forgive me for being afraid of my destiny as a child of God. Forgive me for entertaining doubts about my future. I submit to You and trust You to fulfill the dreams and calling You have conceived in me. I believe You will fulfill the desires of my heart and bring me into my promised land.
I pray You give me the grace to walk in love, trust, and obedience so that Your will may be done in me and in OUR life. I say our life because I don’t want to live apart from You ever again. I pray You resurrect the dead dreams and desires of my heart, and renew my hope in You, God. Forgive me for expecting that I am to carry out the calling You have given me. Continually remind me that only You can do the impossible things You have called me to do. All things are possible IN CHRIST.
I surrender to You my fears, Lord... I give You my struggles with self-loathing and condemnation. I can’t beat those giants, God, and I pray You will beat them, Lord. I give You those fears and pray You give me the grace to wholeheartedly trust You. I pray I can find my peace in You and that You remove those fears. Give me the grace to face my giants and to overcome them.
I surrender to You my present. I give You my current struggles. I give You all my worldly possessions and finances. I don’t have much, but what I do have, it is Yours. It was all Yours anyway, because You give me everything...
I give You my mind, Lord. I ask You to renew my mind and give me the grace to focus, God. Give me the grace to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. I give You my heart, God. Circumcise it and do with it what You will. I trust You to take care of my heart. I pray I never lose that trust, Lord. I give You my body and I ask You to heal it and give me the discipline and self-control to take care of it properly... I give You my spirit and soul and trust You to do with them as You will, Father in heaven.
I give You my family and my worries, God...
I give You all that I am and all that I have. I pray that as You reveal any parts of me that I haven’t willingly surrendered to You, You grace me to surrender them to You. Help me to continually surrender all to You, Father. I love You, Lord.
Belovéd, you are My precious daughter whom I adore. I love you just as much as I love My Son, Jesus Christ. As Jesus is Lord and Savior and King over all creation, I tell you the truth, Amy. I know that loneliness, fear, and despair were crushing your soul, Belovéd. I want you to do your best to remember the peace that surrounds you when you draw near to Me. I want you to come before the throne of grace with confidence.
Beloved, you know you are not perfect. I know you are not perfect. I do not expect you to be perfect. That is why I sent My Son, Who is perfect, to be your perfection. Draw near to the throne of grace, knowing that your sin is GONE- washed away by His precious blood. You are clean, Belovéd. Don’t be afraid or hesitant to draw near to Me, because I love you too much for you to continue running from Me...
I want to know that I mean more to you than even your deepest hearts’ desire. I know that it is difficult being alone right now. Keep coming to me and I will fill the lonely places in you, Amy.
You don’t value your job, family, or possessions over Me. I want you to remember your priorities. I want you to work on valuing Me more than you value your own desires for family, and more than you value comfort. I want to have ALL of your heart, Belovéd.
I am glad that you have repented and turned back to Me. I know you have missed Me, even as I know I have missed you more. I miss that time spent with you, Belovéd. I have missed your prayers and your worship. I love you, Amy. Don’t give up when the going gets tough. Keep seeking your peace and contentment in Me. I am called the Prince of Peace for a reason, Belovéd. Keep finding your Hiding Place in Me, Belovéd. Let me be your shelter. Find your contentment in Me, Belovéd, even when your life isn’t what you’ve wanted.
Amy, I want you to practice rebuking thoughts of comparison. I have called you to be you, Amy, and no one else... I want you to accept yourself. I want you to stop hating yourself for whom you think you are or are not, and what you think you are or are not. You are who you are for a reason; and as you accept yourself, you can come to Me with confidence. When you come to Me, you begin to reflect My glory and become more like My Son. As you become more like Jesus, you will love yourself. Be patient with what you don’t like about yourself, and allow yourself to be molded in My Son’s image. When you hate yourself, you run from Me and nothing changes. Stop running and start accepting, Belovéd.
Part of why you lust is because then you can fantasize you are accepted and loved... As you begin to accept yourself and your life as it is RIGHT NOW, (and as you know the truth that you are accepted and love),that is when you will experience being content with Me and with yourself.
Make ME your deepest desire, Belovéd, and you will be fulfilled and content no matter your circumstances.
Meditate on that last statement, Belovéd, and as you accept it you will understand the truth of My words. I love you, Amy.
“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made know to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus… for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance. I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry; both of having abundance and suffering need. (The secret is that) I can do all things through Him who strengthens me… And my God shall fulfill every need of yours according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.” (Phil 4:6-7, 11-13,19)
Your peace surrounds me as I pray to You and trust in You. The secret of finding contentment in every circumstance is knowing every good thing I do is in YOU, Jesus. It is You I seek, You I trust, You I need, You abide in me, You move in me, and Your will is done in my life. You are my God and you give me all I need (not all I want, but all I need). You tell me to do something and as I submit and obey, it is really You who does it. I participate with You as You move. You strengthen me to do whatever it is You ask, for I can do nothing.
Above all, it is You I need. When You are my #1 priority, I am content in all circumstances. When I have Your presence, Your love, Your peace, Your hope, Your grace… then I am content. My relationship with You makes me content. Only You.
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